The population of elderly persons continues to grow at a staggering rate. Many of today's seniors prefer to spend their final years at home as opposed to entering a nursing home. Finances continue to be a problem for many families. In the United States, caregiver duties have traditionally fallen to women – until recently, that is. As more and more elderly spouses and parents lose the ability to manage alone, a son or husband might suddenly find himself taking on the job as caregiver.
Some men admit certain caregiver tasks make them feel uncomfortable. Other males find the job of caregiving to be gratifying. The caregiver role has given some men new insight, while others have gained valuable employment skills.
Can Men Adequately Perform the Duties of a Caregiver?
The caregiver's job description grows longer and more complex as the elderly loved one requires extensive legal, medical, and personal care. But when a son or husband is the only choice available for a caregiver, can he do an acceptable job? Apparently so. The going may be rough at first, but the men are meeting the challenge.
Men are willing to help as caregivers, but may not realize the extent of work or what multiple roles the job includes. According to the American Association of Retired Persons, the majority prefer not to discuss the job when it comes to personal care, the embarrassment, or the feelings of inadequacy.
The number of unpaid caregivers in the states tops 65 million, according to AARP magazine author Gail Sheehy, in the article, "The Secret Caregivers" (May/June 2010, p. 61). Sheehy informs readers that one-third of those caregivers are men. Sheehy also explains that men prefer to tackle the executive tasks of caregiving, such as dealing with insurance companies or navigating through legal issues of elder care. Women are more likely to perform hands-on tasks such as bathing and feeding the elder.
Basic Caregiver Jobs for Men and Women
The husband or adult son who is well-versed in housekeeping, cooking, and laundry is off to a good start as an in-home caregiver, but domestic chores are only the beginning. Administering medications, assisting with therapies and exercise, and advocating for the person during doctor visits are tasks that require planning, suitable transportation, and organization.
Caregivers need better-than-average communication skills and math skills, not to mention he (or she) must be in good physical shape. But there's still more. Learning to assist someone with dressing, feeding, bathing, and other personal care activities may prove to be tough to manage, especially when the elder is a resistant dementia patient. Safety becomes a major issue for Alzheimer's patients and their caregivers.
A Male Caregiver's Perspective of Eldercare
Just as there are women who seem to know how to handle the most difficult elderly family members under the most stressful conditions, there are men who are equally competent in home health care. That's not to say there are no bumps along the road of experience, however. Some men have felt lost – even terrified – in the beginning. Caring for an elderly person day after day can take a toll on anyone's nerves. Learning to cope during a crisis takes nerves of steel, but the man who is committed to the job will eventually realize the positive points of being a full-time home caregiver.
Along with the stress and hard work that never ends, friends (especially male friends) may not see care giving as manly work. Some men feel it is necessary to keep their caregiving job a secret just to avoid the unwanted criticism. It makes sense to ask others for help, but a man may refuse the opportunity to join a support group, or seek available services, just because he doesn't want to be noticed. Such support could make the job easier.
Caregiving is a tough job, but the man who makes the best of his role as a caregiver may find strengths in his character that he (and others) never knew he had. The man who's learned valuable lessons while care giving, and who has acquired new "people skills" along the way, can carry these gifts back to his former employment when the time comes. Men can, and do, make great caregivers. Just as a woman finds ways to handle the work, so can a man survive the challenges.
Mary King - Mary King is a Suite101 Topic Editor for the Caregiver Support and Home Management sections. She has authored 5 teen-based novels.
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